For those wishing to apply as ninjas, please fill out the following form.
SECTION A: General Information
Name: __________
Age:____________
1. Are you an orphan?
_Yes
_No
_No, but my father is dead.
_No, but my mother is dead.
_No, but my family hates me.
2. Check one:
_Male
_Female
_Hard to tell
(If you selected female, skip the following question.)
3. Do you have amazing latent ninja powers?
_Yes
_No
_I’m not sure.
(If you are unsure, we will be willing to provide a free examination.)
4. Would you like to have a mentor/father figure?
_Yes
_No, I’m too aloof, cynical and/or untrusting.
_No thanks, I don’t really need one.
_I’ll take several, please!
5. Are you possessed?
_Yes (select one)
_fox demon
_sand demon
_Orochimaru tattoo on shoulder
_temporarily possession by Ino
_unidentified
_No
_No, but my friends think I am.
_No, my eyes are like this naturally.
_I possess others!
6. Do you have spiky hair?
_Yes
_No
_I don’t have hair.
SECTION B: Specific Information
This section is designed to see if your personality is compatible with the Way of the Ninja. Your answers may also affect your village placement.
1. What is your reason for existence? (Select all that apply.)
_Revenge.
_Ramen.
_Killing everyone.
_Being creepy.
_Being a love interest.
_I live for ______(name)!
_HOKAGE!!! (Becoming one, that is…not the actual Hokage.)
_I live purely to annoy everyone.
_Taking over ______(place).
_I’m not telling.
_I have great hair.
_The team needed a third person.
_The team needed a token girl member.
_Training orphaned ninjas.
_Swathing myself in bandages.
_To defeat ______(name)!
_Angst.
_To become strong.
_For people to make fun of my eyebrows/lack of eyebrows.
_They needed a replacement referee.
_Attracting more female/male viewers.
_How should I know!?
_Someone needed a rival.
_Wielding large weaponry.
_Recreational puppetry.
_Wearing fishnet.
_Wait, I need a reason?
_Saying “chou” a lot.
_The main characters needed someone to defeat.
_SASUKE-KUUUUUN!!!
_Food.
_Porn.
_Sasuke porn.
_Reasons are too much trouble.
_Getting killed, apparently.
_Wearing ungodly amounts of mascara.
_To explain, during pauses in battle, what a more important character has just done.
_They needed a 20th person for the reaction shot.
_Yelling others’ names.
_If I were to die, who would take care of my pet(s)?
_Cough syrup tastes good.
_I can’t die until I find my eyebrows!
_To have a manga named after me.
_There is no reason.
2. What are your hobbies? (Select all that apply.)
_Training.
_Training others.
_Fighting.
_Killing.
_Spying.
_Eating.
_Eating ramen.
_Arranging flowers.
_Reading porn.
_Writing porn.
_Researching porn.
_Being perpetually ill.
_Plotting revenge.
_Frolicking with animals/bugs.
_Doing my hair.
_Stalking Sasuke.
_Strapping strange objects to my back.
_Recreational puppetry.
_Acupuncture.
_Frowning.
_Glaring.
_Playing board games.
_Collecting cow-themed ninja wear.
_Transforming into a naked chick.
_Invading other villages.
_Giant swords.
_Giant fans.
_Medicine.
_Having flashbacks.
_Crashing through windows.
_Chewing on a stick.
_Psychology.
_Makeup.
_nail polish
_face paint
_mascara
_lipstick
_Pessimism.
_Pissing others off.
_Swallowing inanimate objects that should not be swallowed.
_Sleeping.
_Losing.
3. Which of the following weapons would you include in your ninja arsenal? (Select all that apply. Abilities with * are heavily restricted, and you may not qualify.)
_Kunai. (Duh.)
_Sword, curved.
_Sword, giant.
_Scythe, small.
_Shuriken, small.
_Shuriken, frickin’ huge.
_Senbon (needles), plain.
_Senbon (needles), with bells.
_Sharingan.*
_Byakugan.*
_My teeth.
_A big stick.
_Leprosy.
_Animate sands of death!*
_Icy mirrors of death!*
_Giant fan of death!
_Bugs of death!*
_A life-size puppet. Of death!
_Entering the opponent’s brain.* Of…wait.
_My pet(s).
_Sound itself!! (Note: Those assigned to Sound only.)
_My shadow.*
_Hand gestures, seals.
_Hand gestures, impolite.
_Lots of copies of me.
_Hallucinations.
_Infectious cough.
_Stretchy appendages.
_My crafty brain. (Note: Best effect when used by smart people.)
_ I don’t need weapons, I’ll just crush them with my body!*
_My fists are weapon enough!
_Arm implants.
_I’ll poke their eye out with my hair!
_Sheer sexiness.
_Cool scrolls.
_This rock I just found.
_Sheer effort.
_Everything I can get my hands on.
_Running away.
_I am a pacifist, and don’t believe in weapons.
_Other people.
_Lots and lots of chakra.
_Glowy things.
_Other (be creative!): _______
4. Which of the following would be part of your ninja wardrobe? (Select all that apply. Note that a headband is mandatory, and will be provided upon qualification.)
_A casual jacket.
_A olive-green ninja vest with lots of pockets.
_Bandages.
_Mouth covering.
_Pants.
_Giant shorts.
_Anything bright orange.
_Fishnet.
_Cow-themed ninja wear.
_Leg kunai holster.
_An extra head.
_Geta.
_Flat wooden sandals.
_Modern blue sandals.
_Earrings.
_Makeup.
_nail polish
_face paint
_mascara
_lipstick
_Clown pants.
_Big striped hat.
_Overalls.
_A sash.
_A scarf.
_Conical straw hat.
_Helmet.
_Glasses.
_Chinese shirt.
_Hair bun(s).
_Giant cloak.
_Hokage-wear, complete with giant hat.
_Enormous purple bow.
_Anything with the Kanji for “death” on it.
_Mask, cool-looking.
_Mask, dumb-looking.
_Mask, kitty.
_Pink kimono.
_A haystack.
_Other (Please draw):
5. People describe me as:
_Energetic.
_Annoying.
_Ambitious.
_Hard-working.
_A jerk.
_Evil.
_Nice.
_Shy.
_Weird.
_Scary.
_Vaguely creepy.
_Quiet.
_Loud.
_Violent.
_Funny-looking.
_A pervert.
_Short.
_Large.
_Cool.
_Knowledgable.
_Lazy.
_Stupid.
_Androgynous.
_Motivational.
_Pessimistic.
_Strict.
_Sexy.
_Ill.
_Dead.
6. Write an essay of exactly 500 words explaining your motivation for becoming a ninja. Include a paragraph about the person who most inspires you to be a ninja. The phrase “Sasuke-kun” may not be used.
7. Write an essay, of any length, describing every bad thing that has ever happened to you. Include flashbacks. Bonus points will be given for symbolism.
Thank you for completing your application for ninjahood. Please drop it of with the nearest Chuunin, and we will get back to you in 2-3 weeks. If you are pursuing the Homeless Orphan option, drop your application on the cold, unforgiving ground and we will send your mentor out to meet you.
©2005-2009 ~Kumorinoko
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Submitted: April 4, 2005
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Submitted: April 4, 2005
File Size: 8.8 KB
Image Size: 0 bytes
Resolution: 0×0
Comments: 198
Favourites & Collections: 234 [who?]
Views
Total: 7,515
Today: 6
Downloads
Total: 89
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Author's Comments
This is a hopefully amusing thing that I wrote up just now. It's based on the cliches and quirks of NARUTO and its various characters. It's also the first non-drawing thing that I've posted so far, since I'm using DeviantArt for my drawings. I think the only writing I would post would be humor. I also started a "How to Be Surly In Japanese" humorous guide at one point, which I was planning to post, but I didn't finish it.
This is now in two parts, one here and one in the actual deviation space. IMHO, this first part is actually better.
First of all, a primer:
Ninja Life Cycle
Watchers of NARUTO, have you noticed that there's practically a Ninja Life Cycle going on? It follows these basic steps:
1)Have your family die. If your feeling ambitious, have your entire clan die. Or at least have one parent die.
(Note: If you lack angst possibilities because some family members are still alive, make sure to have inter-familial conflict occuring. Them trying to kill you is good. Become bitter. Alternately, go insane.)
2) Congratulations! You are now an orphan with an Angsty Past. For extra tragedy, become a starving, wandering, homeless orphan. If at all possible, have awesome powers.
3) Your sensei, who is your mentor and possibly father figure, will then show up. Proceed to bond. If you're going to Ninja School, you will find your mentor sensei there. This reduces the angst, but allows for more bonding opportunities. Feel free to develop bonds with more than one mentor.
Note: If you're a high-level ninja in need of a ninja student, head to any podunk town. There are tragic orphan kids with amazing ninja potential wandering around all over the place. Take one home with you to raise--due to the high incidence of Parental Deaths, this is necessary to continue the Ninja Life Cycle.
4) Have a momentous battle. During the battle, engage in flashbacks to everything bad that ever happened to you. If you have a Special Mentor, be sure to include your memories of your fateful meeting and/or any other significant scenes. This will postpone the end of the battle for another 2-5 episodes, but don't worry. Your angst is important.
5) Lose. If you lose to Naruto, realize that you're a moron/jerk. He has taught you an important lesson while beating you up, thereby changing your life, or at least the five minutes left of it.
6a) Die. Your Ninja Life Cycle ends here. Sadly, you will not grow up to mentor another generation of orphans, nor will you father children and then try to kill them. However, your heartbroken fans will draw lots of fanart about you.
6b) If you are too much of a good-guy, or unable to die for some other reason, then you've lost your momentous battle despite all you've ever worked for. Become severely injured. Becoming crippled is even better. Get carried off on a stretcher while the cameraman films close-ups. If you're lucky, Naruto will swear on your blood to beat some sense into the one who beat you up, thereby continuing the Ninja Life Cycle. If you aren't severely injured, this probably means you've just fought Naruto. Refer back to Step 5 and take a moment to reflect on everything Naruto has taught you. If you're lucky, you'll reach adulthood and be able to continue the Ninja Life Cycle. Keep in mind that this usually involves untimely death anyway. If you don't die, where will the orphans come from?
ATTENTION FEMALE CHARACTERS:
If you are a female character, you are out of luck, because in Naruto, only male ninjas are Special enough to have truly Tragic Pasts. However, you are allowed to have flashbacks about your hair.
Presumably you have some place in the Ninja Life-cycle because of your child-bearing abilities, so start looking for a valid love interest now. Chances are you're crush will be a jerk, and you'll need several years to wear down his resistance to your attentions. If he's not a jerk, chances are he's clueless and it will take him several years to realize that you love him. The male characters are too busy beating each other up, forming rivalries, and bonding to each other to start signficant relationships with you, so your efforts are necessary to the survival of the Ninja.
Feel free to be related to a Tragic Male Character, but don't be more powerful or angsty than him or anything. Sadly, this is Not Allowed.
SCIENTIFIC ANALYSIS
The Ninja Life Cycle has come up against its greatest threat yet: Uchiha Sasuke. This anti-social jerk has somehow managed to attract the affections of almost all the kunoichi around him, thereby stalling the Ninja Life Cycle. The Sasuke shows no interest in mating (and indeed some hope he will not breed), and the large community of females infected with the dreaded Crush on Sasuke are ineligible for the successful attentions of other, more worthy males. Even if Sasuke chooses a mate, there will be many who were not chosen.
Because of this, and the extremely high death rate among Ninjas, Ninja Scientists have postulated that Ninjas will be extinct within three generations.
However, alternate theories suggest that Ninjas can also arise from the ranks of Ordinary Villagers. It's possible that ordinary villagers will continue to produce enough orphans for the Ninja to survive.
-----------------------------
...Now that you have been educated concerning the Life Cycle of the Ninja, you may proceed to the Application.
-----------------------------
Known Applicants
~xxhopefulxx: [link]
~pepermintcandy [link]
~themetalmetroid [link]
~kantan [link]
(These people have posted the Ninja Application to their journal and filled it out. Feel free to do so yourself! And have fun.
)
Note: Female applicants, you don't actually have to skip the question "Do you have amazing latent ninja powers?" It was intended primarily to make fun of how the boys almost always get the kekkei genkai and other powerful abilities in the series. By all means, do not follow its example!
This is now in two parts, one here and one in the actual deviation space. IMHO, this first part is actually better.
First of all, a primer:
Ninja Life Cycle
Watchers of NARUTO, have you noticed that there's practically a Ninja Life Cycle going on? It follows these basic steps:
1)Have your family die. If your feeling ambitious, have your entire clan die. Or at least have one parent die.
(Note: If you lack angst possibilities because some family members are still alive, make sure to have inter-familial conflict occuring. Them trying to kill you is good. Become bitter. Alternately, go insane.)
2) Congratulations! You are now an orphan with an Angsty Past. For extra tragedy, become a starving, wandering, homeless orphan. If at all possible, have awesome powers.
3) Your sensei, who is your mentor and possibly father figure, will then show up. Proceed to bond. If you're going to Ninja School, you will find your mentor sensei there. This reduces the angst, but allows for more bonding opportunities. Feel free to develop bonds with more than one mentor.
Note: If you're a high-level ninja in need of a ninja student, head to any podunk town. There are tragic orphan kids with amazing ninja potential wandering around all over the place. Take one home with you to raise--due to the high incidence of Parental Deaths, this is necessary to continue the Ninja Life Cycle.
4) Have a momentous battle. During the battle, engage in flashbacks to everything bad that ever happened to you. If you have a Special Mentor, be sure to include your memories of your fateful meeting and/or any other significant scenes. This will postpone the end of the battle for another 2-5 episodes, but don't worry. Your angst is important.
5) Lose. If you lose to Naruto, realize that you're a moron/jerk. He has taught you an important lesson while beating you up, thereby changing your life, or at least the five minutes left of it.
6a) Die. Your Ninja Life Cycle ends here. Sadly, you will not grow up to mentor another generation of orphans, nor will you father children and then try to kill them. However, your heartbroken fans will draw lots of fanart about you.
6b) If you are too much of a good-guy, or unable to die for some other reason, then you've lost your momentous battle despite all you've ever worked for. Become severely injured. Becoming crippled is even better. Get carried off on a stretcher while the cameraman films close-ups. If you're lucky, Naruto will swear on your blood to beat some sense into the one who beat you up, thereby continuing the Ninja Life Cycle. If you aren't severely injured, this probably means you've just fought Naruto. Refer back to Step 5 and take a moment to reflect on everything Naruto has taught you. If you're lucky, you'll reach adulthood and be able to continue the Ninja Life Cycle. Keep in mind that this usually involves untimely death anyway. If you don't die, where will the orphans come from?
ATTENTION FEMALE CHARACTERS:
If you are a female character, you are out of luck, because in Naruto, only male ninjas are Special enough to have truly Tragic Pasts. However, you are allowed to have flashbacks about your hair.
Presumably you have some place in the Ninja Life-cycle because of your child-bearing abilities, so start looking for a valid love interest now. Chances are you're crush will be a jerk, and you'll need several years to wear down his resistance to your attentions. If he's not a jerk, chances are he's clueless and it will take him several years to realize that you love him. The male characters are too busy beating each other up, forming rivalries, and bonding to each other to start signficant relationships with you, so your efforts are necessary to the survival of the Ninja.
Feel free to be related to a Tragic Male Character, but don't be more powerful or angsty than him or anything. Sadly, this is Not Allowed.
SCIENTIFIC ANALYSIS
The Ninja Life Cycle has come up against its greatest threat yet: Uchiha Sasuke. This anti-social jerk has somehow managed to attract the affections of almost all the kunoichi around him, thereby stalling the Ninja Life Cycle. The Sasuke shows no interest in mating (and indeed some hope he will not breed), and the large community of females infected with the dreaded Crush on Sasuke are ineligible for the successful attentions of other, more worthy males. Even if Sasuke chooses a mate, there will be many who were not chosen.
Because of this, and the extremely high death rate among Ninjas, Ninja Scientists have postulated that Ninjas will be extinct within three generations.
However, alternate theories suggest that Ninjas can also arise from the ranks of Ordinary Villagers. It's possible that ordinary villagers will continue to produce enough orphans for the Ninja to survive.
-----------------------------
...Now that you have been educated concerning the Life Cycle of the Ninja, you may proceed to the Application.
-----------------------------
Known Applicants
~xxhopefulxx: [link]
~pepermintcandy [link]
~themetalmetroid [link]
~kantan [link]
(These people have posted the Ninja Application to their journal and filled it out. Feel free to do so yourself! And have fun.
)Note: Female applicants, you don't actually have to skip the question "Do you have amazing latent ninja powers?" It was intended primarily to make fun of how the boys almost always get the kekkei genkai and other powerful abilities in the series. By all means, do not follow its example!
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Comments
--
:U
--
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
The application is great as well...I started laughing when I came across "Swallowing inanimate objects that should not be swallowed." Too many odd scenes with Orochimaru come to mind. >_< ;;;
And yeah, we were pretty disturbed by Orochimaru when he first showed up, and continued to be disturbed throughout his appearences. XD I'd start to think, "You know, he has a pretty cool character desi--OMG, what is he doing!!??" I feel similarly about Gaara.
--
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
And Orochimaru...puts/keeps things in his mouth that shouldn't be there. O-o; Gaara's a bit odd but I like him for some strange reason. XD
I know how you feel about Gaara. I expect I'll settle on "He's interesting!" once he gets sense beaten into him by Naruto. Unfortunately, the last episode we had was where Gaara beats up Sasuke and then Naruto shows up. We felt cheated of our sense-being-beaten-into-Gaara episodes.
Meanwhile, those around me continue to have no idea why I like Saionji (of Utena) so much. I'm not so sure myself. But I do!
--
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
--
Run through my town
Scream till I faint
Stumble around
Scare kids away
Worn out I'll be
Asleep on the street
Watch my whole town
Attempt to wake me
--
"I'm tasteing colors and seeing sounds." ~Sister Hazel
99% of teens have been exposed to/have drank alcohol, put this in your signature if you like bagels.
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